I find myself in the post late-brunch reverie that can only described as creatively alluring, a small gap of satiated thinking which causes me desire to share with you my writing. It has been a good two days, maybe not a traditional recovery of self from illness (read flu->chest infection over a fortnight), I was treated to the best of generosity and good times from friends from across the board.
And the best thing was, the more tired I got, the more determined I was to not let people down. Maybe it was the drunkeness, but I think it was more primal, I need my fellow humans.
That is a profound statement, being suspected of having suffered minor layers of depersonalisation and definitely being mysanthropic in my outlook.
The idea that I, as an entity, needed others was as incidental and passing as a breeze. Besides wanting a romantic partner, I had little use for socialising in the past. I did like people, obviously, but I didn’t need to form groups to get around and get by. I considered myself more of a cat type personality: If you’re my friend, I won’t chase you around, but when I see you it’ll be like no time has passed and it will be as always.
If you find that difficult, imagine assuming the worst in people, and only hanging onto those who prove themselves. It’s a self-defence and kind of quality control. It avoids disappointments, treachery and many other forms of social dickery.
But here I say it now, I believe something has come a little loose.
Forgive me if it seems obvious, but those people whom I have claimed as friends are still my friends even when I do not see them, and may still need me. It’s not about anything other that growing in the bonds that I know to be true. This weekend has been a carousel of incidental, and planned revelry that has completely overtaken my plans AND I LOVED IT.
I was not simply brought onboard, I was needed, it felt good.
At this point, out of sight does not mean out of mind when it comes to my friends.
That said, this weekend was OUT OF SIGHT.
P.S. I apologise for the apparent mushiness of this blog post, more stern and stoic blog posts to come in the future 😛